This is the Big Man! Usually he has a freakishly large body & neck but adding it all would take up a large amount of page.
He, surprisingly, loves Shakespeare though he even calls him a fairy at random intervals. He also is an insanely large British cab driver who could kill you w/ a single punch.
Dont anger him. As I said, he loves Shakespeare but doesnt want to read very often as he is usually driving as its his damn job.
Without furhter ado, The Big Man presents Romeo & Juliet.
Ok, today we got Romero & Juliet. Er, Romeo. Written by that fairy that wrote Tempest & other crap like so.
Romeo works w/ the Montigues & Juliet the Capulets. For no apparent reason the two families they began feuding maybe because of some sort of Hatfield & McCoy marriage problem or maybe with the feud that starts the play & the Capulets are just arrogant arsehols. Anyway the Capulets servant & Montague's 2 servants start fighting cause he "bit his thumb at him" which back then was like givin some bloke the bird. They get super-pissed and Abe (the Cap) calls Tibalt over. Tibalt is a douche & loves causing trouble cause hes an outright dick! SUddenly the Prince of the land comes begin the king is probably off dying in the crusades or fighting Robin Hood in Britain. Damn Norman nobels that live in the woods of Sherwood!
The Prince says if they disturb the peace again he kill them all or throw them all in the dungeons for pissing him off. He can do that hes the Prince of Wherever ya know!
Either way we meet Romeo who is going all whiny emo because his secret love doesnt love him or know of his existance. Or he's just unlucky. Only his buds & his insanely inebriated & rather odd chum, Mercutio & his cousin/bff Benvolio can cheer him up by dressing him like a fairy & taking him to a Capulet ball
thats right, dumbass. Take your emo bud to a ball starring his most hated rival of his family.
good work Mercutio
Mercutio also gets really damn drunk & starts yelling about the Fairy Queen poisoning his brain or maybe its the constant parties & booze
Romeo meets Juliet & love blossoms in the spontaneous way it does in works of fiction. fiction.
The local priest Lawrence thinks if he can marry the two than the two families will learn to put up w/ each other & shut there loud cumulative yaps. They do so!
Tybalt, douche he is, challenges Romeo for being at the party & for existing in general. Mercutio, probably drunk, agrees instead to fight him. Romeo breaks shit up & Tybalt pulls a dick move & shanks Mercutio when Romeo separates the two. Romeo gets pissed like a monkey on fire & shanks Tybalt until he furthermore lacks a gut.
Prince shows up inconviniently, like he usually does & kicks Romeo's bitch ass to the curb of town on account that Mercutio was related to Prince. Thats right Romeo, your best friend & your douchety brother-in-law is dead & now your in exile and the Prince hates you. Sucks to be u.
Meanwhile, Juliet being pushed onto Prince's relation some minor prick named Paris. She "promises" to marry him & hightails it to Lawrence who gives her a 2-day long effect roofie so everyone thinks her spontaneously dead.
eh, it happens sometimes, people spontaneously collapsing & dying.
Romeo was "supposed" to get a letter explaining the fake death but I guess he didnt have DHL so it took forever & he already left after finding out she "died."
He goes to a low-class drugstore clerk & buys himself an easy OD. He gets emo again, goes to Juliet's grave & ends up fighting Paris, killing his bitch-ass, & ODs on his drugs, commenting on how good they are.
Juliet subsequently awakens magically & kills herself on seeing her dead hubby.
Lawrence explains it, everyones sad, & they build a statue or something.
Leo tried to be a "modernized version" but it pretty much copied the book nearly verbatum. Just change sword to a gun named like a sword & Romeo trips on Acid provided by his transvestite bud, Mercutio, who most likely is gay or really f'in wasted. Prince is a police chief (named _ Prince.) The only part I like is in the beginning with the feuding servants. Abraham busts out like a badass & yells down those Montagues. Then Lord Capulet comes by in his limo & is all
"Oh a fight kick ass."
And he says
Fetcheth me mine longsword.
Apparently the longsword looks like a gun from Doom & kicks ass or is at least a big-ass gun. But bitch-Capulet, his wife, says not to. boo-hoo
Its like a lot of the fairie's other tragedies w/ similar ending & plots.
1. People fall in love or are in love.
2. Relatives die a lot
3. Main character are killed off by the end of the book.
Thats it in a nutshell
Now get out before I friggin kill ya, ya bugger!
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