Monday, June 30, 2008

Pictures: In Memorandum

Some pics of mine. Also I needed to post a pic for a Cracked art contest. And then some more pics i found for no reason

Its obvious you dont give Mr Chicken any of your shit.
Cobra Commander will take over the world after dealing wit his hos. Fool
A reinactment of McCarthy's Red Scare. And how balls-retarded it was.
Chemo always struts. Always
Japan just invaded America. And my mind.

enjoh!

Thank you and good night


Friday, October 12, 2007

Something New, Exciting, and Recent!

COUNTDOWN!

The Super-Kickass crossover series from DC that I dont own!

So many questions though!

Who is the New God Killer?

The answer!


Lobo.

How?

1. Look at him!

2. He recently stole the Emerald Eye

3. He's killed a New God before (see Devilance)

Note teh key terms EVISCERATED AND DECAPITATED!

Prove me wrong, then I'll believe u!
_Kyle David Herberger-Sullivan I

Where is Ray Palmer?

I've not tried to speculate on this one but most clues seem to point towards


Kingdom Come.

This would explain the "KC" Superman's Atom tattoo!

Why Jokester had one I'll never know!

But this is set to be revealed around Countdown# 20-18ish

What's goin down w/ Catwoman II and Harley Quinn?

I dont care. They seem to be lagging anyways. Chain 'em together like Trickster and Piper and have them fight...i dunno'...


Brimstone or...

the new evil Mary Marvel!

Or some other Apokaliptian thing or maybe those 4 new Horsemen they made!

Piper and Trickster

It's been hinted that one will "become a drag..."
That translates whether to one them dying or Piper's constant whining which may indeed lead to my first guess.

My guess is it's Piper, Trickster isn't foolish enough to get killed!

And a bunch of other stuff!

If this doesn't entertain u then DR TRAN will
I dont own Dr Tran, but if I did I would be rich and that would KICK ASS!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Big Man's Short-And-Sweet Shakespeare# 1!




This is the Big Man! Usually he has a freakishly large body & neck but adding it all would take up a large amount of page.





He, surprisingly, loves Shakespeare though he even calls him a fairy at random intervals. He also is an insanely large British cab driver who could kill you w/ a single punch.


Dont anger him. As I said, he loves Shakespeare but doesnt want to read very often as he is usually driving as its his damn job.


Without furhter ado, The Big Man presents Romeo & Juliet.








Ok, today we got Romero & Juliet. Er, Romeo. Written by that fairy that wrote Tempest & other crap like so.


Romeo works w/ the Montigues & Juliet the Capulets. For no apparent reason the two families they began feuding maybe because of some sort of Hatfield & McCoy marriage problem or maybe with the feud that starts the play & the Capulets are just arrogant arsehols. Anyway the Capulets servant & Montague's 2 servants start fighting cause he "bit his thumb at him" which back then was like givin some bloke the bird. They get super-pissed and Abe (the Cap) calls Tibalt over. Tibalt is a douche & loves causing trouble cause hes an outright dick! SUddenly the Prince of the land comes begin the king is probably off dying in the crusades or fighting Robin Hood in Britain. Damn Norman nobels that live in the woods of Sherwood!





The Prince says if they disturb the peace again he kill them all or throw them all in the dungeons for pissing him off. He can do that hes the Prince of Wherever ya know!





Either way we meet Romeo who is going all whiny emo because his secret love doesnt love him or know of his existance. Or he's just unlucky. Only his buds & his insanely inebriated & rather odd chum, Mercutio & his cousin/bff Benvolio can cheer him up by dressing him like a fairy & taking him to a Capulet ball


thats right, dumbass. Take your emo bud to a ball starring his most hated rival of his family.


good work Mercutio


Mercutio also gets really damn drunk & starts yelling about the Fairy Queen poisoning his brain or maybe its the constant parties & booze
Romeo meets Juliet & love blossoms in the spontaneous way it does in works of fiction. fiction.

The local priest Lawrence thinks if he can marry the two than the two families will learn to put up w/ each other & shut there loud cumulative yaps. They do so!
Tybalt, douche he is, challenges Romeo for being at the party & for existing in general. Mercutio, probably drunk, agrees instead to fight him. Romeo breaks shit up & Tybalt pulls a dick move & shanks Mercutio when Romeo separates the two. Romeo gets pissed like a monkey on fire & shanks Tybalt until he furthermore lacks a gut.
Prince shows up inconviniently, like he usually does & kicks Romeo's bitch ass to the curb of town on account that Mercutio was related to Prince. Thats right Romeo, your best friend & your douchety brother-in-law is dead & now your in exile and the Prince hates you. Sucks to be u.
Meanwhile, Juliet being pushed onto Prince's relation some minor prick named Paris. She "promises" to marry him & hightails it to Lawrence who gives her a 2-day long effect roofie so everyone thinks her spontaneously dead.
eh, it happens sometimes, people spontaneously collapsing & dying.
Romeo was "supposed" to get a letter explaining the fake death but I guess he didnt have DHL so it took forever & he already left after finding out she "died."
He goes to a low-class drugstore clerk & buys himself an easy OD. He gets emo again, goes to Juliet's grave & ends up fighting Paris, killing his bitch-ass, & ODs on his drugs, commenting on how good they are.
Juliet subsequently awakens magically & kills herself on seeing her dead hubby.
Lawrence explains it, everyones sad, & they build a statue or something.

Leo tried to be a "modernized version" but it pretty much copied the book nearly verbatum. Just change sword to a gun named like a sword & Romeo trips on Acid provided by his transvestite bud, Mercutio, who most likely is gay or really f'in wasted. Prince is a police chief (named _ Prince.) The only part I like is in the beginning with the feuding servants. Abraham busts out like a badass & yells down those Montagues. Then Lord Capulet comes by in his limo & is all
"Oh a fight kick ass."
And he says
Fetcheth me mine longsword.



Apparently the longsword looks like a gun from Doom & kicks ass or is at least a big-ass gun. But bitch-Capulet, his wife, says not to. boo-hoo

Its like a lot of the fairie's other tragedies w/ similar ending & plots.
1. People fall in love or are in love.
2. Relatives die a lot
3. Main character are killed off by the end of the book.

Thats it in a nutshell
Now get out before I friggin kill ya, ya bugger!

Friday, August 3, 2007

Movie Super-Synopsis# 2







Reservoir Dogs












IF YOU HAVENT SEEN THIS MOVIE



WHICH I DONT OWN



AND WISH IT NOT BE SPOILED, AVERT THINE EYES



-Lord Vile, right hand man for High Lord Kururu











Reservoir Dogs is a Tarantino film.


Which means


1. Someone will be tortured


2. Someone will refer to something sexual


3. Someone is guaranteed to die




It stars an all-star cast as most of his do including, Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Steve Buscemi, Lawrence Tierney, Chris Penn, Eddie Bunker, & Michael Madsen






The movie, being a Tarantino, is told half in action & half in confusion & half in flashbacks!


So I'll try to piece it together linearally for ya'.






First, Joe hires a bunch of thugs to do his biggest job yet, robbing a jewelry store w/ expensive diamonds from some distant country, Israel, I think.


This is Joe














Dont let the old fool you, he'll go crazy on your ass!

He hires his old buds, Lawrence Dimmick & Vic Vega (whom he'll help out w/ his jerk parole officer) for it along w/ Misters Brown, Blue, & Pink. He also finds a cheap work thief who is now Mr Orange. Mr Orange tells them an amusing anecdote of how he almost got caught by 4 sherrifs & a German shepard while holding the MJ for his buddy. Also, Joes son, Eddy, is in on the scheme, helping his "daddy" to prove he's no screw-up.

Heres a helpful face index for ya'









They all meet in a warehouse that will later be the entire setting of the film. They're assigned names to ensure that no one is able to rat them out, namewise. Larry becomes Mr White & Vic, Mr Blonde (somehow blonde is a color)
Mr Pink doesnt like his name & whines why he's Pink
Joe says hes a "derogatory name for a gay person that starts w/ f"
Mr Brown is equally disgruntled as Mr Brown is "too close to Mr Shit"
They continue planning & later go to a diner on the morning of the big hit. Brown muses that Madonna's "Like a Virgin" is about a girl who gets rammed real hard, while Joe peruses on about an old name he found in an old address book but cant quite remember the full name. Mr White snatches Joes book because the rabble begins to annoy him. They all pitch in on the tip except for Pink, who goes on his signature diatribes on tipping & his point on how its "for the birds." Joe comes back & tells Pink to put done a dollar for the tip & he does ("only because you paid for the meal")
They go into the store & get busted. Someone ratted them out & the police have been waiting for them. All except Blue escape, as he gets shot to death. White, & Orange leave w/ Brown. Brown gets shot by the cops but keeps driving till he runs into a pole. White & Orange try to carjack a woman who shoots Orange in the gut. Blonde escapes through an exit & through a mall. Pink runs like a girl & steals a car.
White comforts Orange as they get to the rendevous, the warehouse. Pink shows up & yells at White, adamant that one of them is a rat. White & Pink fight, Orange goes unconscious, & they eventually pull guns on each other. Blonde emerges from a corner, &, as usual, pisses everyone off with his mordant language & calm attitude. And he also shot several hostages that set of the alarms. They all call him a "psycho." Blonde convinves them not to leave as Eddy will show up soon. In the meantime, Blonde kidnapped a cop & they all wail on him to try to see if he knows who the rat is.
Eddie shows up & yells at them for doing this & saying there is no rat...they just suck at their day job. White & Pink leave w/ Eddie to get rid of the many cars out front & retrieve the few diamonds Pink got away with.
Blonde goes psycho on the cop when he accidentally refers to his boss. Blonde says he doesn't have a "boss" & proceeds to talk about how hes gonna torture him. He does. He actually cuts his face, saws his ear off, & douses him w/ gas. He's about to light him on fire w/ a match when Orange wakes up & fills his chest w/ an internal lead coffin. Orange talks to the cop, Marvin Nash, & reveals that Nash did know who the rat was...
Mr Orange himself.
Earlier, Orange rehearsed the anecdote w/ his buddy who assigned him this mission. He's seen at his house, pressuring himself saying "they dont know anything 'cause your super cool. Your f'in Baretta." Orange tells Nash that they're both screwed until Joe gets there & the cops are waiting for Joe before they'll move. Eddie & Co. return to see one corpse, the cut-up cop, & Orange.
Orange explains the simple backstory but also says that Blonde was gonna kill the rest of them & steal the jewels himself.
Eddie knows he's lying because Blonde is a close friend of the Cabots (Joe & Eddie) & shoots Nash
Joe shows up in the storyline & accuses Orange of bein' the rat as "He's the only one I wasn't 100% on." White pulls a gun on Joe & Eddie one on White. Eddie starts yelling, esp. "Larry, stop pointing that f'in gun at my dad"
If you are confused, everything that i type next is the canon, Tarantino-approved truth
They rabble then
1. Joe shoots Orange in chest
2. White shoots Joe in chest
3. Eddie shoots White in leg
4. White shoots Eddie in chest
5. Eddie shoots White in gut
Pink runs off w/ the diamonds & (you can hear it if you really try) he is caught by the cops. White stumbles over to Orange whos fadin fast. Orange tells him "I'm a cop..."
The fuzz busts in & it zooms in on White as he shoots Orange in the head & the police take him down afterward. Down to the "deep south"
the End
Samuel L. Jackson was supposed to Orange but Roth the part instead. This is why Sammie got a written part in Pulp Fiction. White is related to Jimmy Dimmick (the coffee guy) from Pulp Fiction who is actually Tarantino. Blonde is related to Vincent Vega (bros) from the same. Roth, Tarantino, & Keitel show up in there as minor characters. The part of the torture scene where Blonde pulls the razor from his boot is mirrored in Kill Bill
No I dont just do family movies.
Next time, Pulp Fiction
If you dont believe me wiki or imdb it.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

THE IMPOSSIBLE AGES!

The impossible ages.


A time in video games when you were downright guaranteed to lose.
Repeatedly.
And you would be intensely, abusively frustrated at them.

Such games came up about the time of SNES & Atari's later games.

Such games included the Ghouls & Goblins series, & everything listed by the Angry Video Game Nerd (youtube it)

These games were damn near impossible to beat due to the low health & stamina of your character & the subsequent onslaught of insane bad guys that NEVER ENDED!

They would give you low if not harmless weapons & send millions of baddies against you.
The only upside is its realistic.
One man in armor will not be able to kill millions of zombies & ghosts even the Devil wearing a pair of armor & at best throwing magic at them. Its the constructions of it all. Apparently being attacked wont kill you fangoriously, but strip you to your boxers. Cant Arthur at least wear something under there, geez.

I cant get past the 2nd, 3rd, or even 1st levels in some of theses crapfests. Luckily the CCC has 21 other games to hold my interest.

More posts momentarily!

If you dont believe me, go to a blog! Mine! Or play the games! Or just wiki it, i coined the phrase so it might not be on there.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

COMMENT

Someone please comment so I know someone is reading this at all!

Movie Super-Synopsis# 1: Labyrinth

STOP READING!

THIS WILL REVEAL ALL SPOILERS TO SAID MOVIE & WILL RUIN YOUR NEED TO SEE IT!

IF THIS UPSETS YOU DO NOT READ IT!


I DONT OWN THIS MOVIE!



















Labyrinth is a great kids-movie from the 80s.

It was Jeniffer Connely's first film & the mind-child of Jim Henson's insane storytelling & George Lucas' badassery.

It is a musical filled w/ happy & WTF moments

It starts with Connely's character, Sarah, a teenager w/ nothing better to do than cosplay & read from her favorite book, named LABYRINTH, reciting lines you'll hear again.

It rains & her & her mutt, Merlin go home at 7 pm (gasp, so late!)

Her stepmother & father are going out & want her to watch her never-stops-crying brother Toby. (played by one of the artists' son)
She whines & whines telling pieces from the book, (specifically the ones about stealing babies who wont shut up) to her irritant baby bro, cause that would totally work. Eventually she gets pissed & accidentally calls the "Goblins," the antagonist of the book to take the baby away.

When this does happen shes awestruck at it. The screen twirls & an owl you see alot bust the window open & turns into the Goblin King, who doesn't look like a Goblin at all. Its actually David Bowie in his movie-going times back when people didnt know he was bi & he had a small career.

He tries to give her an acyrlic, which when contact-juggled (near-impossibly, by a guy standing behind Bowie, which I doubt she could do to begin w/) its shows your wants & dreams.

Obviously not the stickler for clear orb-juggling, she demands her brother back. The entire room disappears & The King, Jareth by name, tells her she has to go through his mystical labyrinth of danger to get to Goblin City & get the baby back herself. And she has 13 hrs to do this.

She finds a dwarf pissing named Hoggle (actually a very intricate puppet) who everyone seems to mispronounce his name. He's killing fairies because they are the mosquitos of the Labyrinth as Sarah finds out when one bites her.

After goding him a lot he opens a magical door which appears out of nowhere ( alot of things do in this movie) & she enters.

She whines that it goes on in one direction & doesnt change. Then she meets a british worm with a scarf that shows her another path, while pestering her to come inside. He misleads her into going away from the castle, seeing as that would cause trouble.
She wanders as Jareth sings to her brother & actually succeeds in making his stop crying.
Shes been marking her path w/ lipstick, but tiny goblins just turn the cobblestones around to confuse her. She then meets Alph & Ralph, the 4 Guards, who are a pair of two combined by a sheild
Then they propose a "one-liar, one-truth teller" puzzle to go to the center of the Labyrinth.
The red one lies & confuses her. The blue one contains a path that leads to "Certain Death." Not being bright she chooses that one. She falls into a 40-ft hole filled w/ "helping hands" that talk & make faces (REALLY!)

Once again not being very bright she chooses to go down the hole into an oubliette (dungeon).

Hoggle is there & suggests her to just leave the Labyrinth. She gives him a plastic bracelet & he opens a door to a pot that goes back into the Labyrinth.

They go into a cave filled w/ carved stone heads that tell them not to go that way, one even claiming "oh, please, I haven't said anything for such a long time," when they ignore him. Jareth finds them & turns Sarah's time limit forward a few hours cause hes a douche then creates a giant tank/moving knife machine called "the Cleaners".

They dodge them by breaking a door down & come back to the Labyrinth by climbing a ladder that leads up to it through a decorative pot.

She steals Hoggles jewels to make him help her through the Labyrinth. An old dude w/ an annoying-as-hell Mexican bird for a hat, gives them some very little insight as "the way forward is sometimes the way back." The old man falls asleep & Sarah gives him a ring for their non-existant help. The hat laughs at them being suckers as they leave.

They find theyselves in a hedge-maze instead of stone one now. Hoggle hears a loud roar & runs off, scared shitless. Sarah finds its a Wookiee lookin' beast called Ludo being attacked by Goblins. It can summon rocks because "Rocks friends" Ludo talk like caveman do, leaving very more primitive idea to Ludo not being bright also. He's more like a big, talking dog. Or a giant slow kid who just wants to help out. She frees him by throwing rocks at the goblins. They find another puzzle involving two door knockers that talk, one w/ a ring in his ears & one in his mouth. They remove the ring from the one's mouth & he tells them just choose one of them since they dont know where they go. The other one just bitches because hes basically deaf. They replace his mouth bit & knock, opening the door. The knockers act & sound like the Muppet Hecklers. ya know "That skit sucks. Oohohohohohoho!"

They enter a creepy forest, where Ludo falls into a trap door and disappears. Sarah's scared shitless as these irritating, self-dismembering bird-men called the Fire Gang come & annoy her with a dance & song. They seem to be unaware that normal humans cant remove their heads safely & try to force Sarah to do so. She's saved by Hoggle, who works for Jareth, because hes a pussy & Jareth will send him to the Bog of Eternal Stench if he disobeys him. The Bog, which they enter when Sarah kisses Hoggle (something that jareth said would send him their immediately), is a festering swamp filled w/ fart noises & most likely smells proficiently like shit.
They find Ludo & meet an equestrian fox noble thing that tells them they cannot pass the bridge unless defeat him. Ludo does. They get his permission & Hoggle runs across first. The bridge breaks when Sarah tries to cross, leaving her hanging on a branch over the Bog, which will also make you smell as bad if you touch it. Ludo summons rocks for stepping stones that fart when you step on them. They all pass as well as the fox, Sir Didymus, who rides on a dog similar to Merlin, called Ambrosious that has a penchant for pussying out when trouble rears.

Sarah whines that shes hungry & Hoggle gives her a poisoned peach that Jarerth ordered him to give to her. She starts trippin on it & blacks out. She wakes up in a ballroom masquerade & dances w/ Jareth. She sees that the time has gone down severely & shatters a window w/ a chair, saving her from the intoxicating dream & song.

She wakes up in a dump,amniesiac, meeting a bitchy merchant women covered in junk. She takes Sarah to her room identical to her real one & starts piling her favorite stuff on her so that she could become a creepy junk hag materialist like her. Sarah sees the book & remembers her mission, the room then collapses & Ludo & Didymus salvage her from the wreck. They go to the gate to Goblin City guarded seemingly by one inept guard, who Didymus smacks claiming he'll kick his ass, because Didymus is a overconfident dumbass.

They drag him away and are met by a bigass robot named Humungous

It looks really pissed off.


Hoggle shows up & knocks off Humungous head & tosses out the pilot. He eventually breaks it & they go to Goblin City. They fight armies of Goblins until Ludo summons more rocks that crush all the goblins.

Sarah goes into the castle & claims that she must face Jareth alone, because thats "the way its supposed to be" or i guess like in her book.

Jareth's room is a recreation of M.C. Escher famous painting.

There's another creepy song as Jareth stalks Sarah as she tries to catch the gravity-defying Toby. Eventually, she jumps from a very high spot to catch Toby & instead falls into a new plane of existance w/ Jareth wearing what looks like several swans bodies. He tells he'll do anything if she will become his subordinate & let him be more than her weird fantasy. She uses the lines from the beginning of the movie to destroy him & the Labyrinth.

She wakes up in her room & finds Toby in bed. She sees her Labyrinth buddies in the mirror of her room & says she'll always needs them, inciting a party. Outside, we see the Jareth-owl watching her & it flies off.


Thats Labyrinth. Best kids-movie ive seen in a while.

Connely & Bowie make a great acting pair. Its funny & action packed.
The music is very Bowie & therefore very 80s.
Its the 80s fantasy movie.

All the movie with the less you have to see of it. I just saved an hour or so of your life.
Not that it would be wasted watching this great film. Id say its full w/ continuity errors but they can easily all be explained. Its the Labyrinth, nothing supposed to stay the same or make sense.

If you dont believe me, wiki it. or imdb it